Trapped in the Net: A self-deception game is addictive

In the time of universal deception, telling the truth is a real revolution
(George Orwell)

The traditional addictions to smoking, alcohol, drugs, etc., now also evolved, are flanked by new ones: technological ones (cell phones, internet, video games), aesthetic ones (scalpel, Botox, diets, over-excersing), physical- sexual (pornography, fetishism, self-injurious behavior) and socio-economic (social-networks, workaholism, shopping, trading-online). Substances, gambling, fear of being without a mobile phone and its constant control, can become compulsive needs and real obsessions.

The new addictions are based on dynamics very similar to the traditional socially stigmatized ones, as are drugs and alcohol. Today, as in the past happened to the cigarette smoked with the maxi holder by the beautiful and refined Audrey Hepburn in Breakfast at Tiffany's, a positive value is attributed to three hundred and sixty degrees. Therefore, just as the chic cigarette has become the killer cigarette years later, so the new technologies, from being the panacea to all evils are revealing their other side, which if not properly considered ends up making them devious and dangerous.

All addictions, even the most widespread, those that according to common sense cannot be considered addictions, follow the same pattern: at the beginning there is a conscious use of what you have (PC, Smartphone, Social Networks, Scalpels , Supplements, etc.) that can help improve / enhance what you already have and / or overcome your disabilities.

The increased risk of abuse is proportional to the good functioning of what you use. Thinking that you can reach the goal - more… easily, quickly, comfortably, etc. - through an external means, in fact, it makes you lose control. The real problem, however, is generated by an excessive use / abuse of what is recognized as highly effective and preferred. Tending more and more in the same direction leads to less use of one's intrinsic resources. Thus one runs into penalizing changes: one becomes less and less capable.

The inability-use / abuse circle closes when it turns into addiction. The modus operandi or compulsive behavior that leads to abuse (of the means and / or the substance) is a temporary solution, that is, an attempted solution (Nardone, 1993). However, if on the one hand the immediate needs are satisfied, on the other the "need" spreads in the mind becoming an obsession that subsides in the compulsive act that maintains the problem, recognized in most cases only from the outside. Step by step, day after day, you become more and more incapable, you have the feeling of being lost and disoriented, you feel bad if you have no way to silence obsessive thinking. It's abstinence! The main symptom of addiction.

Everything is further articulated with self-deceptions. All of us, even if we do not realize it, we create it to make the reality that could sometimes be unpleasant more acceptable and coherent (Nardone, 2007). The distinguished biologist Trivers (2013) describes them as the surviving mechanism of evolution that gives the feeling of control. Self-deceptions allow you to go beyond reality by helping to create more or less functional worlds. Self-deceptions, in general, are mostly beneficial. They have repercussions against those who build them when the alteration of reality is counterproductive, when we insist.

Self-deceptions soften the descent into hell of those who risk addiction. Most of them, in fact, live the nightmare upon awakening, when they are shaken they discover that they are up to their necks and have completely lost the self-control necessary for their self-efficacy. The human being is good at creating self-deceptions with which to justify what he does and what he feels. The person at risk of addiction, in fact, creates self-deceptions to protect themselves from strong emotions, to feel more and / or to feel better. Thanks to these mental tricks, the person who risks addiction mystifies to the point of creating a reality that is often opposite to the existing one.

The most frequent self-deceptions adopted by people stuck in the grip of addiction are:

• They all do. In a ranking it would occupy the first place among shared self-deceptions. It is so widespread because comparison is used as a measure to feel in. Any perceived difference will trigger the research activity, useful for bridging the gap necessary to resemble the other considered more and / or better. Otherwise, those who make the comparison will feel uncomfortable, will feel bad and will feel a sense of bewilderment, incompleteness, loss of control if they believe they are outdone.
• Illusion of power. It is the result of the feeling of omnipotence, omniscence, of being able to obtain everything you want: control of the world, of others, of oneself, of one's emotions and impulses. The means (mobile phone, substance, compulsive action), in these cases, is considered the only possibility to achieve what you want. With the illusion of being able to dominate reality everywhere and in any case, the worst consequence is the loss of the capacity of design thinking that leaves more and more space for impulsive action, which in the dependent person manifests itself in the form of compulsion.
• Immediacy. We live in a fast, frenetic, scientifically advanced society, which leads us to face life with the same frenzy. Contemporary man, in fact, seeks remedies to overcome in a moment, miraculously, any problem or state of suffering (Nardone, 2003). He is tempted to resort to dangerous escape routes to remedy what is wrong, what is not as it should be (Rigliano, 2004);
• Incompetence. Avoid doing something and putting yourself to the test, abandoning after the first attempts because the thought is directed towards any external help that could come from someone else and / or from something else considered more and or better, weakens. By avoiding to experience oneself, constantly resorting to what is offered, makes one incompetent and needy. In these cases, paradoxically, the absence of the unpleasant feeling of not having made it on one's own might mean that an advancement of the addiction is taking place.
• Optimism (little realism). When an adequate plan of reality cannot be made, it is easy for hope to lead to illusion. Failing to achieve the desired results, a sense of despair or disappointment takes over which gradually takes the form of depression. The desire for escape that can arise, today as in the past, pushes towards shelters that trap under the illusion of having removed the danger.
• Perfection. Getting exasperated to seek it feeds the sense of inability, unhappiness and anguish. The obsession with perfection is easy to attach to the most vulnerable subjects, such as adolescents and those who live particular moments in their lives. The pursuit of perfection, in these cases, could materialize in a medium that one cannot get enough of.
• Being transgressive. Rules are the foundation of every society. The taste for the forbidden makes transgression a pleasure that one cannot do without and that is satisfied in the compulsive act. The compulsive transgressive driven by pleasure, by the illusion of control, by the desire to stand out from the crowd, becomes a victim of himself and of his own desires.
• Comfort. Desiring a comfortable, comfortable, pleasant life is certainly not wrong, but this feeling must not be confused. A happy life refers to a psychic and inner dimension, comfort and comfort, on the other hand, refer mainly to physical pleasure. Not earning what comes, leaves you unsatisfied and unable to appreciate the results. An easy, comfortable life without virtue enslaves, selfish, facilitates bad thoughts; in short, it is dangerous for oneself but also for others.
• Self Consciousness. Feeling the need, constantly striving towards greater awareness is a state of mind coveted by those who aim for continuous growth. Those who undertake this path, sooner or later, discover the elusiveness of awareness that escapes just when you think you have reached it. The Socratic paradox of “knowing you don't know” is tangible. The obsessive search for awareness blocks instead of making it grow, it generates the doubt that is both the engine of knowledge and the springboard of obsession (Nardone, De Santis, 2011).

Adequate use of technology is undoubtedly useful for the human being, but excessive use leads to abuse and intoxication. Continuing to abuse something creates addiction, which is the light that makes you blind rather than allowing greater and better visibility. The glow, the illusion experienced in the state of "falling in love" with what is used, which gives pleasure and which can make you dependent, prevents you from perceiving reality for what it is, deceives yourself and makes you victims of yourself. As Ghandi said, in fact, "man's propensity to deceive himself is immensely superior to his ability to deceive others".

Dr. Claudette Portelli (Official Psychotherapist of the Strategic Therapy Center)
Dr. Matteo Papantuono (Psychologist-Psychotherapist Specialized in Brief Strategic Psychotherapy)

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